Not a One-Note Samba 

NOTHING BUT FLOPPY EARS, TWITCHY WHISKERS?

If someone asks you to describe a pet you’d never say a dog is “nothing but floppy ears”. Or a cat “just a bunch of twitchy whiskers”. 

 

What about toes that smell like potato chips? Loyalty that velcros them to your side? Or fur that tickles your nose, antics that crack you up?

And how about snarky? Waddly? Aloof? Yappy? Drooly? Stinky? Prissy? 

 

INFINITE POSSIBILITIES

 

No matter how many of these critters share your world (sequentially or all at once), there will never be one that is “exactly like another.” 

Obvious, right? 

Same is true of grief. 

GRIEF: IT'S NOT JUST A BIG BOOHOO

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Grief is as complex and multidimensional as any dog/cat/horse/parrot you will ever meet. Its range of emotions is like a soundtrack of inharmonious of notes. Each loss of a lifetime composes its own particular symphony of feelings that bind into the overall emotion we refer to as “grief.” 

Sorrow (obviously). Desolation? Disbelief? Guilt? Relief? Anger? Depression? Emptiness? Fear …?

INFINITE POSSIBILITIES, PERSONALIZED BY YOUR HISTORY WITH LOSS

And of course, your ever-present, character defining “nature/nurture” baggage.

No wonder no two people brave loss the same way! Or travel the same path with grief.

EMOTIONS SHIFT FROM DAY-TO-DAY

From minute-to-minute. Sometimes you get solo barking (anger?), sometimes a mewler warbles the lead (desolation?). Sometimes a snarling, growling din (fear?). Sometimes a chorus of caterwaulers fighting on a fence (disbelief?). 

Understanding that grief is multidimensional can be a clue to emotions that may seem to come from nowhere. Identifying them simply chords in your personal grief melody may help you brave your loss.

SUGGESTION

  • Sit quietly for a bit and identify some of the emotions in your grief symphony. (Working with my Grief Therapist, I realized that Bentley & Beemer’s deaths had triggered “abandonment issues” in me. That was the proverbial light bulb flicking on in my brain.) 

  • Make your list on paper, in your head, or scrawled on a bathroom wall—whatever works best for you. (“Just thinking about it” plants seeds that take root in your subconscious and can grow into awareness.)

  • The point is to recognize what’s piercing your heart (and head) when those varied emotions tune up their siren song. 

Hope this helps. 

Pet-Loss GrieverElaine Taylor