PET-LOVE: Not As Simple As You Think

Let’s shine a big ole klieg light on a few MISCONCEPTIONS about relationships with the non-human bosom buddies that populate human lives, shall we?

DEFINITELY NOT "JUST a DOG" ... "JUST a CAT"

Want to offer solid, helpful support to a pet-griever? Consider this. 

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  • What we humans choose to “do” is rarely about the what … it’s about the why.

It’s that ole whadaya got to prove/heal/fertilize that keeps shrinks in biz. [Guaranteed that prove/heal/fertilize shoe slips comfortably onto every foot.] 

So what does that have to do with the reason you’re reading these words? 

  • The loss experienced by that Someone-You-Care-About (SYCA, to shortcut it) is about waaaay more than the exit of “four legs, a fluff of fur and drooly stink-breath”. (If that weren’t true you likely wouldn’t need to read this post…)

  • Furry sidekicks are our buffer against loneliness. (Might look like your SYCA is surrounded by more peeps than Oprah but that doesn’t mean they’re never lonely.)

  • Fur-babies can fill/heal the hole in our soul.

  • They’re key participants in many a mutually fulfilling bond.

  • Their departure can trigger powerful memories of other losses.

WE CAN MAKE THEM WHATEVER WE WANT/NEED THEM TO BE

  • Inspiration

  • Mirror (see in them what we don’t see in ourselves?)

  • Unconditional admirer/cheerleader (maybe our only shot at that?)

  • Sounding board (damn skippy they’ll always agree/think we’re brilliant—just ask ‘em!)

Anthropomorphism* (i.e., attributing human traits/emotions/intentions to animals) makes these guys ever-versatile. Who/what else can possibly fulfill this pile of expectations and never argue or feel put upon? 

(*Impossible to enunciate after Happy Hour.)

  • How is it our culture decided “feeling/expressing grief is a bad thing”? After any loss—whether it’s a sentimental gift/ideal job/family home/T-ball championship/2-or-4-legged companionship—grieving is not only the natural response … research has shown it’s crucial to future health and wellbeing.

Lab-nerds in white coats can explain how the traditional suckitup buttercup approach to grief and mourning (i.e., suppressing/denying/ignoring it) gets ya a list is of potential problems as long as a pharma co’s disclaimer.

Sleepdisturbanceseatingdisordersrespiratoryproblems

heartdiseasedepressionnauseaconstipationfatigue—

AND THE LIST GOES ON, YADAYADAYADA

Bottom line: When we care most about the griever (instead of caring most about any inconvenience/upset their state of mind might cause us) we support them through their mourning, in whatever way fits them. 

Support them without stopwatches. Without judgment. 

SUGGESTION:

  • Give some thought to the role this lost pet played in your SYCA’s life.

  • Then maybe ask questions that broaden your understanding of what this loss means to their life.

SupporterElaine Taylor